This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
