mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Randomize
