he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize