dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
