did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
