I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
