Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
