I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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