Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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