Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I smell stomach acid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
