batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
