What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
