Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
