left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
