my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
