and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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