What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
