You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My apartment stinks of burning failure
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
