omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
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This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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