Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
