You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
