My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
