we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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