Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
