Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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