why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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