i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
