I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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