when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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