Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
