I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
