apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
