you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
