my phone needs a breathalizer
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
