is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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