Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
