so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
