You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize