Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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