What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
