all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
