so explain again why im purple
no
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
