this beer tastes like vomit already
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
