I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
