dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
