new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
