On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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