Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
