i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
