I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
