I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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