so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
