So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
