Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
