Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
