With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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