:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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