i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
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So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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