I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
