You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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