i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
