just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
