i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
