My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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