he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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