I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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