I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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