Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My pussy is not your playground.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
