i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
