I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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