paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
