rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
