So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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