4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
