You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Randomize
