I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize