I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
