I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
