The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
