Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
